Between Sexuality Without Love and Love Without Sexuality

Love is an extraordinary energy: it cannot be contained or defined, but it can be tasted, felt, and recognized. Exquisite and ecstatic, it leaves no doubt about its presence. And when we love, no one can dissuade us. Love gives us wings, as they say, and makes even the impossible possible. It is with this delightful energy that we first connect when we embark on the human adventure called a couple. It is both our deepest nature and our reason for being. So why so many disappointed hopes, so many missteps, and why does love so often take on the appearance of a battlefield? Obsession and Repression Our sexuality, like every other aspect of our lives, is shaped by our past—or rather, by everything that hasn’t truly been “resolved.” These unfinished stories haunt us in the form of negative traits, manifesting as rigid attitudes where the life force should flow with grace and fluidity. These traits fall on a spectrum ranging from obsession to repression: in both cases, vital energy is blocked, either by excess or by lack. Here are two examples. “Harry spends his life chasing women. On tour for long months, this musician never lacks opportunities, especially when the band stops in a city. When he gives up touring to move in with his partner, he struggles not to imagine his next conquest. Every time he goes out to a party, walks in a park, or eats at a restaurant, he scans for women who might suit him. With his extensive experience, he has become an expert at decoding the signals wo