Success is a journey, not a destination. The skills, grit, and determination that propelled you to where you are today—whether in your career, relationships, or personal growth—may not be enough to get you to the next level. In What Got You Here Won't Get You There, executive coach Marshall Goldsmith identifies 21 subtle yet pervasive habits that even high achievers often overlook. These behaviors, often rooted in ego or autopilot, can sabotage your progress and limit your potential.
Let’s unpack each of these habits in depth, offering practical strategies to recognize and overcome them. But first, let’s explore all 21 habits in this comprehensive guide, understand why they matter, and learn how to start addressing them today. Whether you’re a CEO, a rising professional, or someone striving for personal excellence, this article will equip you with the awareness and tools to break free from the habits holding you back.
Why These Habits Matter
Goldsmith’s core insight is that success breeds blind spots. The traits that make you successful—confidence, decisiveness, or relentless focus—can morph into liabilities when unchecked. The 21 habits he identifies aren’t glaring flaws like dishonesty or laziness; they’re subtle interpersonal behaviors that erode trust, stifle collaboration, and cap your growth. For example, a leader who always needs to be right may alienate their team, or a professional who over-shares opinions may undermine their credibility.
These habits matter because they impact how others perceive and respond to you. In today’s interconnected world, success hinges on relationships, emotional intelligence, and adaptability. Left unaddressed, these habits can create a ceiling on your potential, no matter how talented or driven you are.
The 21 Habits: A Comprehensive Overview
Below, we list all 21 habits as described by Goldsmith, along with a brief explanation of each and a practical tip to start addressing it. These habits are universal, affecting leaders, employees, and individuals alike. As you read, reflect on which ones resonate with you—awareness is the first step to change.
1. Winning Too Much
Description: The need to win at all costs, even in low-stakes situations, can alienate others. This habit shows up when you argue over minor points or prioritize being right over building relationships.
Example: A manager insists on having the final say in a team brainstorming session, stifling creativity.
Action Step: Practice yielding in low-stakes debates. Ask yourself, “Is winning this argument worth the cost to the relationship?”
2. Adding Too Much Value
Description: The urge to improve others’ ideas by adding your own spin often diminishes their ownership and enthusiasm.
Example: A colleague suggests a marketing strategy, and you say, “Great, but it’d be better if…”
Action Step: Next time, affirm the idea first (“That’s a solid plan!”) and ask permission before suggesting tweaks.
3. Passing Judgment
Description: Offering unsolicited opinions or critiques can make others defensive and less open to collaboration.
Example: You tell a coworker their presentation style is “too casual” without being asked.
Action Step: Pause and ask, “Am I being asked for this feedback?” If not, focus on listening instead.
4. Making Destructive Comments
Description: Sarcastic or cutting remarks, even if meant as humor, can erode trust and morale.
Example: A snarky comment like “Nice of you to finally show up” during a meeting.
Action Step: Replace sarcasm with neutral or positive language. If humor is your style, ensure it uplifts rather than stings.
5. Starting with ‘No,’ ‘But,’ or ‘However’
Description: These words dismiss others’ ideas before they’re fully explored, signaling resistance.
Example: Responding to a suggestion with, “No, that won’t work because…”
Action Step: Practice saying “Yes, and…” to build on ideas, even if you have concerns.
6. Telling the World How Smart We Are
Description: Boasting about your intelligence or accomplishments can make others feel undervalued.
Example: Repeatedly saying, “I knew that already” in discussions.
Action Step: Let your actions speak for your competence. Ask questions to show curiosity, not superiority.
7. Speaking When Angry
Description: Emotional outbursts damage relationships and undermine your credibility.
Example: Snapping at a team member during a stressful deadline.
Action Step: Pause and breathe before responding in heated moments. Excuse yourself if needed to regain composure.
8. Negativity, or ‘Let Me Explain Why That Won’t Work’
Description: Habitually pointing out flaws in ideas without offering solutions shuts down innovation.
Example: Dismissing a new initiative with, “We tried that before, and it failed.”
Action Step: Challenge yourself to offer one constructive suggestion for every critique.
9. Withholding Information
Description: Keeping knowledge to yourself to maintain power or control hinders collaboration.
Example: Not sharing a key report with a colleague who could benefit from it.
Action Step: Proactively share relevant information and resources with your team.
10. Failing to Give Proper Recognition
Description: Not acknowledging others’ contributions demotivates and breeds resentment.
Example: Taking credit for a team project without mentioning contributors.
Action Step: Make it a habit to publicly and privately thank others for their efforts.
11. Claiming Credit That We Don’t Deserve
Description: Exaggerating your role in a success undermines trust and credibility.
Example: Saying “I turned the project around” when it was a team effort.
Action Step: Use “we” instead of “I” when discussing achievements and highlight others’ contributions.
12. Making Excuses
Description: Blaming external factors for your shortcomings avoids accountability.
Example: Saying, “I missed the deadline because I was swamped,” instead of owning the delay.
Action Step: Own your mistakes and focus on solutions, e.g., “I missed the deadline, and here’s my plan to catch up.”
13. Clinging to the Past
Description: Dwelling on past successes or failures prevents you from adapting to the present.
Example: Insisting on old processes because “that’s how we’ve always done it.”
Action Step: Ask, “What’s relevant now?” and embrace new approaches when they make sense.
14. Playing Favorites
Description: Showing preferential treatment to certain people creates division and resentment.
Example: Always assigning high-profile tasks to the same team member.
Action Step: Rotate opportunities and ensure decisions are based on merit, not personal bias.
15. Refusing to Express Regret
Description: Inability to apologize or admit fault damages relationships and trust.
Example: Brushing off a mistake with, “It’s not a big deal,” instead of apologizing.
Action Step: Practice sincere apologies, e.g., “I’m sorry for how my actions affected you.”
16. Not Listening
Description: Failing to fully engage when others speak signals disrespect and misses opportunities for connection.
Example: Checking your phone during a colleague’s presentation.
Action Step: Practice active listening—nod, maintain eye contact, and paraphrase to show understanding.
17. Failing to Express Gratitude
Description: Not saying “thank you” for others’ efforts or kindness breeds resentment.
Example: Accepting help from a coworker without acknowledging it.
Action Step: Make gratitude a daily habit. Send a quick thank-you note or verbalize appreciation.
18. Punishing the Messenger
Description: Reacting negatively to bad news discourages honesty and transparency.
Example: Scolding a team member for reporting a project delay.
Action Step: Thank people for bringing issues to your attention and focus on solving the problem.
19. Passing the Buck
Description: Blaming others for your failures erodes trust and accountability.
Example: Saying, “The client didn’t like it because marketing didn’t brief me properly.”
Action Step: Take responsibility for your role, even in shared failures, and work collaboratively to fix issues.
20. An Excessive Need to Be ‘Me’
Description: Clinging to “that’s just how I am” as an excuse for bad behavior prevents growth.
Example: Saying, “I’m just blunt,” to justify harsh feedback.
Action Step: Identify one “signature” trait you over-rely on and practice moderating it.
21. Goal Obsession
Description: Fixating on achieving a goal at the expense of relationships or ethics can lead to long-term damage.
Example: Pushing a team to meet a sales target while ignoring their burnout.
Action Step: Balance goal pursuit with attention to process, people, and values.
How to Start Breaking These Habits
Recognizing these habits in yourself is the first step, but change requires action. Here’s a practical framework to begin addressing them:
Seek Feedback: Ask trusted colleagues, friends, or mentors for honest input on which habits you exhibit. Use a 360-degree feedback tool if possible.
Example: “I’m working on my leadership skills. Can you share one behavior I could improve?”
Choose One Habit: Start with the habit that resonates most or has the biggest impact. Trying to tackle all 21 at once is overwhelming.
Example: If you struggle with “adding too much value,” focus on that for a month.
Track Your Progress: Keep a daily journal to note when the habit appears and how you respond. This builds self-awareness and accountability.
Example: Log instances where you resisted the urge to interrupt with your own ideas.
Enlist Support: Share your goal with a trusted peer or coach who can gently call you out when the habit surfaces.
Example: Ask a colleague to signal when you start saying “but” in meetings.
Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge progress, even if it’s small, to stay motivated. Change is a marathon, not a sprint.
Example: Reward yourself for a week of active listening with a treat or a break.
Real-World Impact: A Case Study
Consider Sarah, a mid-level manager who was passed over for a promotion despite her stellar performance metrics. Through feedback, she learned she exhibited several of Goldsmith’s habits: adding too much value, starting with “but,” and failing to express gratitude. Colleagues felt she diminished their ideas and didn’t appreciate their efforts.
Sarah chose to focus on “adding too much value” first. She practiced affirming others’ ideas without immediately suggesting improvements and asked permission before offering input. Within three months, her team reported feeling more valued, and her manager noticed her improved collaboration. By addressing just one habit, Sarah rebuilt trust and positioned herself for future opportunities.
Which of the 21 habits resonates with you? Take a moment to reflect and share your thoughts in the comments below. Better yet, commit to addressing one habit this week and let us know how it goes.
Success isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. Let’s break these habits together and get to the next level.
